My Third Day Experience

Shellie Halstead


So, day three. First off, I had to explain to Phil that I had only said that I might never speak to him again for the comic effect. I think he took it well. He laughed and he didn't make me do more squats.

Instead, we started with a strict press using a PVC pipe. I must have done alright, because I graduated to a 15 pound weight bar. I continued to be a good student and my reward was more weight. Then more weight. Then more. Then more. Then too much. Then a little less. (Seriously - what kind of masochist designed that reward system???).

In the end, I lifted 55 pounds. More than once. It was pretty awesome. Good thing too, because the next exercise was less successful.

Who came up with the name "sumo dead lift high pull" anyway? What do those words strung together actually mean? I think it's really just to hide the fact that its a squat with added weight and a little jump built in. How about we just call it the "squat, lift, pull, jump, hit yourself in the chin with a 30 pound kettle ball" or the SLPJHYITCWA30PKB for short?

The sumo part actually turned out to be a bit problematic. See. It starts with squatting. I can't even sit down without falling. Honestly, I spent the entire day getting my butt as close to possible to chairs before the falling part happened. It was also the first time I noticed just how many chairs have wheels, but I digress.

The sumo part requires squatting. Failure to squat causes one to lean forward and arch one's back improperly. Phil disapproves of that sort of behavior. After a brief discussion (which included my complaint that men don't experience quad pain in the same way as they can pee standing up), it was decided that stretching might be in order.

By stretching I mean doing a sort of plank while rolling my legs over a pool noodle. The point of this is to stop when you feel pain. Not because that makes the pain less. No. We stop because it hurts more. Didn't I say something about masochism before?

After the "stretching" (wink wink nudge nudge), I wanted to try the SLPJHYITCWA30PKB again. In the end, Phil and I decided that my arms just aren't long enough for the sumo part.

Okay. He decided that my quads were too sore. I decided that my arms weren't long enough. The key point is that we both agreed that focusing on just the high pull part would be good enough for today.

Do you have any idea what it feels like to hit yourself in the chin with a 30 pound kettle ball?

I didn't actually hit myself. Not really. It was just a tap. And my hands were between my chin and the ball. And, there really wasn't any danger because every time I started to get sloppy it was time to do push-ups anyway....